Monday, November 4, 2013

Pushing towards happiness

Students oftentimes need a push, a nudge, even a shove (not literally) to achieve their goals.  It may be in the form of specific praise, encouraging words, a positive phone call home, constant feedback.  One behavior-tracking app a colleague just showed me was "Class Dojo," where the class can earn points for who's on-task. 

At home, these 'pushes' can be a little tricky.  When we had Jason, one of our hopes and dreams for him would be to have as many opportunities to explore his likes/dislikes, talents, interests, etc.  Well, the more we talked about it, the more we thought about the various ways parents go about this 'push.'  Some parents let the child explore on their own, with little intervention.  Other parents push their own interests on their kids.  Still other parents see what kids like, and help them pursue.

The Talent Code says that it takes 10,000 hours for someone to become an expert at something.  So, that means you start young.

My questions then become: how much do we push? When do we back off?  What regrets will we have later on?

Jason's basketball story: Even before he could walk, we would watch his dad play ball.  Soon, he got his first toy hoop and loved aiming, shooting, dunking.  Then came a bigger toy hoop, and eventually an outside hoop.  His focus and determination with every sport (as in a previous post) is evident.  We signed him up at the age of 4 for classes at the community center.  From there, he played in 2 non-competitive leagues, and honed his skills and strategies.  He loves playing with his friends and making new friends along the way.  Jason's favorite part of basketball is getting to the hoop and shooting.  He always keeps his head in the game.  His first competitive league this season could have gone better, but we're using it as a learning experience. 

Jesse's acting story: Summer of 2013, the Disney channel aired its version of "Grease"/"Back to the Beach": "Teen Beach Movie."  Singing and dancing to every song, Jesse made us smile.  We already knew that he picks up moves/songs easily, but this time, we saw this as an opportunity to cultivate this interest.  Browsing the local community center magazine, I came across a local theater company about to start a production, with rehearsals on Mondays and Wednesdays.  Jason's basketball practices are Mondays; how could we do both?

Two weeks later, a schedule change opened up, and we split up, taking the kids to their different activities.  Jesse had missed 5 rehearsals by this time; we knew he might not be as comfortable, having missed learning names, faces, rules, songs...  So we just wanted to see if this was something he'd like.  After roll-taking and a warm-up game, the "Nouns" song came on.  Jesse stood up with the rest of the class, looked to the kids on his right, and picked up the moves just like that!  His timing was a little off, but he was catching on quick.  By the third song, he was singing the word "Adjectives."  Adjectives!  We knew this was where he needed to be.

Both boys have expressed their continued interest in these hobbies.  If their interests change later on, we will support whatever makes them happy.  I will wonder, though, if they grow up and reflect, "I wish they had pushed me more."  Hopefully, we can continue pushing without shoving.  Bury "boys will be boys."


Sunday, September 1, 2013

Using time wisely

Time is gold. Students get fifty minutes for learning, practicing, and proving they learned it. Bell-to-bell teaching. Planning to the minute is, ironically, time-consuming.  I even sacrifice my lunchtime to plan.  Now that my family time is priority #1, I try to use every non-teaching minute at school productively.

As challenging as balancing work-life and home-life may be, I still keep my teacher-heart.  What I like best is seeing the light bulbs and the "aha!" moments when students understand something.  Teaching them responsibiltiy and character with all the state-mandated curriculum is definitely a work of art.  It's using time wisely.

Even before our kids were born, we planned to build our family around the school calendar to maximize our baby-bonding time; those summer months add up to way more than the standard 6-week maternity leave.  We weren't too off; one was born in April, the other in June.

Our schedule has been hectic at times, but we've made it work.  And we can't forget grandparents and family who help out, too.  We even survived a whole year of baby-car-switching.  He would meet me at school, and we would switch cars to take turns caring for Jason.  So lucky, I've heard, to not have to deal with the crazy costs (financial and otherwise) of quality child care. 


2011
Fast forward six years, we don't plan out every second of the day, but we do seek out "family time," not just formal vacations, but time with the four of us. We're at the age where our social life has centered on kiddie parties and playdates. Every once in a while, when we get invited out, we have to ask, "Is the party kid-friendly?" and we are prepared for either answer. Facebook friends still post pictures of the carefree party life; good for them, making memories for themselves.  We've conscientiously chosen to grow with our family and help the boys make memories.  If that means sacrificing a "grown-up" party now and then, then so be it.

2012

2013
Don't get me wrong: we still have the occasional away-time from the kids, especially when we have our own milestones to celebrate.  I still remember the kids' first overnight-er with their grandparents, which went smoother than expected.  Within hours after they left, though, we found ourselves talking about what the kids did or what they said.  It's almost as if we felt "guilty" that we weren't with them.  Even now, years later, some of that guilt creeps in occasionally.  But we try to "justify" and say, "Well, the boys do need practice being around different adults!"  To make it a little easier, we try to schedule our events around theirs.

As my work year officially starts next week, I want to make the best of both worlds. One of my partner teachers a while back had been a principal at a different school the year before.  We were talking about three important things in life: family, work, and religion.  He said that keeping the three in perspective would make a person happy.  He said that principaling required too much of his time at work, and that something had to give, and it couldn't be family. 
We won't be able to go back in time, and say, "I wish we would've spent more time with them."  My husband and I choose to help pave a road of memories, brick by brick, for our boys. When they have a chance look back, we hope they can appreciate the smooth happy ones, and learn from the rocky, bumpy ones.  Making family time a priority helps bury "boys will be boys."

Monday, August 19, 2013

Letting go

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
In teaching, one goal is for students to eventually do a task on their own, without the help of a teacher.  Teachers chunk or scaffold lessons so students can grasp things at their own pace.  Then, we should be able (in theory) to let go and have them master a skill by themselves.

Today, we just saw my youngest off to preschool.  This is no where the biggest milestone that we will see, but this is by far, the saddest to me.  Sad because the little boy who, up until a couple months ago, would wake up in the middle of the night to look for me.  Sad because the little boy who makes his family laugh will now be making his teachers and classmates laugh (hopefully at appropriate times).  Sad because the little boy who dances and sings at random times will have to do things on a schedule not his own.  Sad because his wide-eyed innocence will soon face the realities of growing up.
His preschool does strongly encourage pretend-play, and the syllabus even included an interesting article on "Kids Play to Learn." I was pleasantly surprised when the teacher provided many research-based reasons for the classroom set-up, the broken crayons, the choices of toys and curriculum.  Jesse, I'm sure, will be well-prepared for his formal school years.
Although his reputation is already (day 1!) "the comedian," he is not mean, or spiteful, or hateful.  He just has an over-active imagination that makes his personality so unique. His curiosity doesn't stop him from asking questions.  This fun-loving kid is now in a world that has structure, time-frames, boundaries that he may not have realized.
So here we are, at the moment where time does not stand still.  So many parents have said, "It goes by fast," and I am now a witness.  Some parents tell me, "You'll like the next stage," or "Their next phase is better."  But I want to keep the purity that is in a four-year-old brain.  I want him to not grow up in the crazy world full of drama, war, death.  But... I know I have to let go.  Because his independence is one of the ways to bury "boys will be boys."

Monday, August 5, 2013

Working as a team


In a school setting, there is no shying away from a team. Teachers work with their grade-level team, with their department, with the school site. Students work with partners or groups, and learn to work with a variety of people who they may or may not initially get along with.

My husband and I choose to raise our kids as a team. I may be the softer one at times, but when it comes down to it, and after each conversation, it's definitely "us" versus "them."  We want "them" to grow up to be responsible, caring, kind-hearted people.  

One of "them" has a kryptonite; the other has flying power.  Jason is most notably a basketball player; theee best! He's small and fast, and can fly down the court.


Not aggressive, but assertive.  Even in the world of "noncompetitive" sports, he can pick up the rules of the game and hone in on what makes it fun.  In basketball, Jason wants the ball.  He wants to shoot.  He wants to score.  He wants to pass.  He wants to handle the ball.  And that's just in one sport! In baseball, he wants to catch.  He wants to throw.  He wants to bat and get that home run.  He wants to get outs for his team (one game, he got 3 outs in one inning!).   We haven't tried soccer or football yet, but we're ready for it!
All of his skills don't matter to us as much as the way he treats his team. He is the first one to clap when his teammate scores. He is the first to give a high-five for an awesome pass. He is the first to help his teammate up if they fall. On the bench, he'll start a chant for his team.  His genuine enthusiasm for the game is contagious.

A good coach is also a factor in promoting teamwork.  We're lucky that Jason has had some coaches who not only worked on individual skills, but stressed the importance of working together. Now that Dad is coaching this season, just after a couple of games and practices together, the team is calling out each other's names on the court, knows some basic terms and correct stances, and even trying to be humble when we make a cool play.


Hard work, focus, and practice pay off.  But Jason also has fun with his team and truly enjoys the game.  In just two seasons, he's learned things about teamwork that my husband or I could not teach on our own.

Proud? Definitely!  We're only hoping that nurturing, and not pushing or pressuring, these experiences add up to a lifelong love of healthy, physical activity, while at the same time, give him a chance to use these skills in other areas of his life.  In this highly competitive individualistic society, finding a "team player" is sometimes rare.  Jason is practicing at a young age to bury "boys will be boys."

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Sensing kryptonite

Being a teacher means being aware... aware of the 35 students' behaviors, attention-spans, interests, dislikes, and... health issues.  We are pretty lucky that we have a computerized tracking system that gives us access to so much student information, like attendance, recent school picture, test scores, and health records.  With a click of a mouse, I can take a quick glance into their past, and use it for decisions I make in the present.

When Jesse was 2, we began suspecting something about his health; nothing drastic, but something a little nutty.  During a quick trip to Trader Joes, big brother got to pick a snack.  We paid, we left, they opened the package in the car.  After 3 bites, Jesse tossed the bag over to me.  He started coughing lightly.  I was driving, so I couldn't do much but ask if he's okay.  We arrived at home, and his face had red, hive-like streaks.  His eyes were puffy; he's scratching his ears and neck.  I ran and got the Benadryl.  I looked at the snack: Peanut Butter Pretzels.

"Eh, he can't be allergic," I thought to myself.  No one in my extended family has extreme allergies.  And Jesse has such an appetite, he'll eat anything!  "Maybe it'll go away."

A couple months later, we decided to eat at La Bou.  One of our favorite dishes is the Asian noodle salad.  It came with peanuts, but we moved them to the side so Jesse can try this delicious dish.  The fork barely touched his lips, and the hive-like rashes formed right down his mouth.  "Uh oh."

A trip to the allergist it is.  The blood-draw tested over 30 different reactions.  Kaiser does a great job of keeping their website up-to-date, so I checked every day for the results.  I don't have a medical background whatsoever, so I clicked away at each test...ryegrass <.10; elm <.10; mugwort <.10 (mugwort? what is that?); cat dander <.10; dog dander .23; cottonwood <.10... clicking away, not knowing what I was really looking at.  Test result number twenty-nine: peanut.  93.5.  93.5!

I clicked on "About this Test," but it only gave me generic information of the blood-draw.  I wanted to know what that number meant!  I called my husband (why?  he can't interpret it!), and we finally got the allergist's response:

Peanut was the only significantly positive test (class V = very high positive). There were a few tree nuts that were class I (very low positive). I think the risk of Jesse reacting to nuts from trees is very low.
Also - no allergies to any of the environmental allergens (pollen, mold, dust mite, cat, dog)


Wait, what? I read it three more times.  Well, what does it mean?  What does Jesse need?  Is there a cure?  A vaccine? (vaccines are always the answer, right?) Will he be okay?  I know peanut allergies are pretty common, as pointed out by my sister later, but I had never had any close encounters with this, even in all my years of teaching.

Recently, a local 13-year-old girl died (died!) after a bite, Benadryl, and three Epi-pens.  Our Superman has a kryptonite.  It could be worse, I know.  But we will be cautious wherever we go.  We will carry his Epi-pen around.  We will notice every "peanut-free" sign, even the one at his new school.  He knows he's allergic.  He knows he can't just put anything in his mouth.  He has to be the one in charge of his "bizarre but delicious" food creations, and not eat everything in sight, like all the other boys around him.  So, in that regard, we'll have to bury "boys will be boys."

Friday, July 26, 2013

Balancing attention-grabbers

Teaching has become an acting gig.  We are constantly trying to "entertain" our audiences/students and grab their attention.  I choose to sprinkle the reading and writing with art, movement, music activities, and definitely multimedia.

Knowing what's "in" with current mainstream trends can give more buy-in to a lesson.  When giving context to the term "subplot" to 8th graders, I used the show "Phineas and Ferb."  The main plot of the show is the brothers trying to have the best summer adventure, while the subplot could be Mr. Perry trying to defeat Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

At home, we ensure a balance of activities is available.  Bikes, basketball, baseball, coloring, art, anything in the infamous "toy room," and yes, sometimes, tv, computer games, the Wii.  They are free to come and go at their leisure, as long as they're playing the right way and clean up after they're done.  However, the most repeated activity is... pretend play!  Being different characters allows them to use imagination, creativity, and explore feelings/emotions.

The most elaborate schemes take planning, preparation, props, and participation from the parents.  One summer morning, they wanted to play school.  I was the teacher, Daddy was the bus driver, and the boys were "Lucas"(aka "Lookis," see picture) and "Kai."  Jas, the mastermind behind it all, assembled the numerous "tables" and chairs in the entire downstairs area.  After art time, reading time, and of course, recess, the day was over.  They created their own fun; memories made, dots connected.


Almost every morning, they wake up being someone else.  Even when we visit my grandmother, the first thing she'll ask the boys is, "Who are you today?"  Much credit of the balancing act goes to the boys and their choices, but we try to make sure those opportunities are available, opportunities that foster creativity, imagination, and positive play.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Connecting the dots

No, not to make pretty pictures. In teaching a unit or concept, one goal I have is for students to make connections to other concepts, possibly text-to-text, text-to-world, or text-to-self. The more prior knowledge they have, the richer the connections, discussions, and understandings. Many times, teachers end up having to reach and stretch the dots closer together, or even build bridges for the correct perceptions.

At home, we definitely try to help them connect dots.  After watching Turbo, we went home and got all our Cars books and toys out because both were about racing (text-to-text, where the "text" is a movie).  Maybe brains at 4 and 6 aren't mature enough yet, but we can try with things like, "What does this remind you of?" or "This character is like..."

Some funny "connections" from my youngest when he was 3:
  • He's sitting crisscross applesauce, occupied with a toy. After his attention span gets the better of him, he rises awkwardly and rubs his foot back and forth. His face winces. He's not so sure about this new tingling feeling. "Mommy! Help! My foot's buffering!"
  • The two boys and I braved the zoo that is Costco.  We had some extra time, so we sit down at the food court to enjoy our meal. An elderly man walks by the outer aisle to find a seat. He politely glances at the boys, who are laughing at something, and I give the man a small smile. He and his turban drift further away from us when Jesse looks up and whispers with a small gasp, "Mom, a genie!"
  • Our fridge failed its mission. Food no longer cold, ice no longer solid. What we can salvage finds a temporary home at my mom's house. We set up an appointment for a repairman who, the next day, shows up and investigates. He speaks to my husband, in his Russian or Russian-like accent, about the problem, the part, how much. I finally come home, and Jesse runs, hugs, and then informs me, "Mom, the man's fixing our fridge. He speaks Spanish."

In all of these instances, he was being so sincere. I stifle my giggle, and after each misundestood dot-connection, a conversation follows, a bridge constructed to connect the correct dots.  With any new experience, we find it valuable that he expresses his thoughts, so if he perceives something wrong that could come back even worse, especially if it deals with race, we're on it.

So many jokes get told with the cloak of humor, and we try to convey that it's not funny if it's at someone else's expense, and we're sure to address that race is not a laughing matter.  The Kids React to Cheerios commercial  is an awesome example of how kids are connecting their own dots the right way.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Keeping up with the toy industry

Materialism: no escaping it in this country.  In the classroom, it's a good idea to at least know a couple things that are "in" and cool to the kids.  As I get "older" (*gasp*), some of the cool toy brands (Garbage Pail Kids, Cabbage Patches, Strawberry Shortcake) have been sadly replaced by things like Bratz, Kendamas, and the countless leave-little-to-the-imagination toys that compete for our kids' attention.  Why do teachers need to be in the know?  Making connections from a text to something they're familiar with makes learning new concepts a little easier.

At home, mainstream characters have invaded every single room of our two-story house.

After 10 birthday parties under our belts, our boys have accumulated I'm sure over a million toys.  When our guests leave, the boys are high on stimulation overload, so we decided to not open every single gift at once.  One or two toys a day is more than enough to satisfy their toy cravings.  After a week, a pile of toys still sits unopened, and, to them, disregarded.

We truly are grateful for being in this position (aka first-world problems).  We've been to our fair share of events, and we help them understand that gifts should have no strings attached--we don't expect anything in return, nor do we say a couple days later to a friend, "Who got you that?" knowing full well it was us. Let's appreciate that just the thought alone is worth way more than the gift itself.

With all these thoughtful gifts, we designated a "toy room" to keep some kind of order in the chaos that is: Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Transformers, Avengers, Power Rangers, Angry Birds, Yo Gabba, Beyblades, Bakugan, Dagadar, Ultraman, Lego, Lego Ninjago, Hot Wheels, Toy Story toys, Cars toys, music toys, dinosaurs, sports equipment... you name it!  Wow, how can a kid ever get bored?

Well, after dutifully purging...donating...recycling... arranging and rearranging, where do the boys spend their time?  In the dining room making a fort!

Pillows, blankets, chairs entertain them for hours, and I sit here thinking, "The poor toys! If the toys were on 'Toy Story,' they would end up at Sunnyside or in an attic.  Do I donate more? E-bay? Craigslist? Garage sale?" I have no solution, and the more time passes, the more we run out of closet space.

When people ask what to buy them, yes, there are some fads that will pop out of their mouths that second, but reflecting on what makes them truly happy, someone may as well give them a rock and they'll find something to do with it.  Okay, I'm exaggerating, but using imagination helps bury "boys will be boys."

Friday, July 19, 2013

Watching for themes

Authors want their readers to interpret a text and find something meaningful to take away, a life-lesson.  Being a Language Arts teacher, I can guide my class into analyzing plots, characters, settings, to identify themes about life.  When I show even a clip of a movie in my classroom, I want students to figure out a deeper message. Teaching has made me look for themes in every movie, tv show, song, play, commercial, anything with a plot.

Going to the movies nowadays has been a little eye-opening, especially when it costs almost $50 for 1.5 hours of entertainment.

Monsters U: Memorable characters and interesting concept. However, I walked away with the message that it's okay to get expelled from college?? And that college is all about fraternities and sororities? I hope they make a third in the series about how making kids laugh is better than making them scared. Grade: C

Turbo: Hmm.. Some foreign substance has to get into your system to make you go fast.. not quite the message I was hoping for. But, they did show a great scene demonstrating brotherly-love, and the themes of don't give up and be proud of who you are came through. Grade: B

Whatever the story, it feels like a better use of time to find a deeper meaning, and discuss.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Embracing technology

Smartboards have revolutionized my teaching!  My first year as a teacher, I was at a school where chalkboard dust existed along with the not-as-ancient curriculum I had to teach.  So, I persuaded my principal to install a whiteboard.  Fast forward a couple years, and a couple schools, I cannot live without my more-than-glorified projector.  I find cool features and tricks every year, and I hope my students are having as much fun with it as I am.

I just heard my 6-year-old record himself reading on a Toy Story book app. As he played it back, his eyes lit up, and he was so proud of how he sounded.  So cool to see him enjoying reading so much!  When he was 2, my other son played a simple matching game on an app that leveled from beginning to advanced.  At 4, he can do the advanced so easily.  I know there is a lot of research about limiting technology at a young age, and I agree to an extent. If it's doesn't turn into an addiction, we're going to embrace it!

Age-appropriate apps for my kids, please!  A venture to an unfamiliar Ipad has led to more conversations about using the right words (1000 dumb ways to die, no thank you!  a farting app, no thank you! an ugly scale, no thank you!).

With any new fad that comes, a conversation follows:)  Bury "boys will be boys."

Planning ahead

So, in the summer, our so-called "vacation," many teachers are busy working on long term plans, which funnels into weekly plans, and finally narrows into our daily plans.  I think parenting can be similar.  Before even having kids, my husband and I tried to backwards map some ideas about life, like: How do we visualize our kids as adults?  What do we want them to act like?  How would we want them to treat people?  Treat nature?

So whatever our answers are, we try to celebrate those in the present.  For example, future goal 1: we want them to have an appreciation for animals.  Present: we talk to them about animals when we visit zoos or museums, we encounter little critters around the neighborhood, maybe we'll own a pet later on... 

Future Goal 2: we want them to be physically active and healthy.  Present: we encourage team sports.  If they don't enjoy it, we're gonna keep trying until we find something they'll be comfortable with and feel success at.  My husband has found a new love in coaching..  That's how we'll satisfy our 30-hours of parent participation every year! 

Future Goal 3: find and use the positive.  Present: we celebrate any new experiences and reflect.  "What was your favorite part of today?"

We realize that life may not turn out the way we plan, but at least our boys will be set up to enjoy their memories and hopefully make their mark in a way that will make us proud.  And when things do change, talking it through as a family helps.  Bury "boys will be boys."

P.S.   This is not a complete list of goals, nor ranked in any order, of course!  Always a work in progress...

Monday, July 15, 2013

Reversing the "boys will be boys" mentality

As a middle school teacher and a mother of 2 boys (ages 4 and 6), I’ve read countless books and articles about stereotypical gender differences, especially at the start of school age: girls = self-reliant, boys = destructive.  I do not want my sons to be in the “boys will be boys” category, so here are some strategies that my husband and I are implementing (and hopefully will make a lasting impression):


1.    Practicing conversations without the use of negative words (stupid, dumb, idiot…).  Media bombards us all with these simple, yet oppressive words that could lead to name-calling and negative thoughts, stereotypes, prejudices.  These words are banned from their mouths and ears right when they hear it.  We even created a game where if they hear a word they know we don't like, change it into a "better" word.  Example: "shut up and drive" song turns into "step up and drive."  A little cheesy, but positive.

“Please” and “thank you” are enforced.  When requests are made, they are constantly reminded to be polite with the situation in mind.  When they get older and encounter a wider variety of situations that I might not be at, I’ll ask them to “Code Switch,” a term that means appropriately switch the way you address people depending on where/who you’re with.  The tone of voice is also emphasized. Even at sports games, the boys don’t “boo” the other team, but just cheer for their team.

“Ha-ha! I got it first!”  Our reply, “Is that the right way to say that you’re happy about something?”

2.    Role-playing situations where children could get frustrated.  When Jesse was 2, his tantrums were unbearable.  When he wanted something, he would automatically scream and yell and stomp his feet.  Two things worked: CALMLY redirecting him to something else, or CALMLY waiting it out and reminding him of the “right way to act when you get mad: calm down, walk away, use your words.”  Before we go to places where the kids might get different reactions from people, we remind them of 3 rules: no spitting, no naughty words, no hurting people.
3.    Limiting physical “pretend-fighting,” wrestling, sword fighting, gun shooting, etc.  (Organized sports not included: those are encouraged).  Whatever form of “playing” that could end up with someone hurt, we limit.  We feel that the more exposure (physical or visual) of these fighting moves, the more it could become second nature to act aggressively.  While I agree that defending yourself is sometimes necessary, more solutions are found in using the right words.  Many may feel that a physical fight is a rite of passage or what boys need to get aggression out, I caution that this perpetuates the “boys will be boys” mentality. 

When I am explicitly in charge of other people’s children, I definitely take these fighting rules to heart.  I wouldn’t want to send my kid to someone’s house only to pick them up at a hospital.

“I’m gonna shoot the bad guys!”  My reply, “What did they do?  Are you defending yourself?”
 
4.    Giving choices when disagreements arise. “You can choose to have fun today or not,” “we can go later or not at all…”  This gives some of the decision-making to the children.  For non-negotiables, for sure, we enforce, but we try not to sound like the demanding parents that we all know (either our own parents or friends).  We're still using countdowns and time-outs at this age, followed with a conversation.  "What will you do next time?"
5.    Spending time observing them interact with other kids. We like to ask them how they felt during their time. We ask them if there was a better way to say/do something. We reinforce the positive behaviors. We emphasize that we want them to be good people, and doing things the right way helps them in the long run.

Someone asked me if raising kids was hard.  It is, and I end up worrying more about things I can’t control, like the people and things that influence my kids (with their knowledge or not).  But what I can control, for a limited time anyway, is modeling these behaviors.  Bury "boys will be boys."