Adjusting for life's unexpected (or expected) curveballs

In the classroom, a teacher can have the most fabulous well-planned lesson-- researched, corresponded to Common Core standards, technology components embedded, multiple intelligences accounted for-- but, many times, ad libbing is just as important.  Having that lesson and objective in mind, of course, is key to great teaching.

When students are assigned a US state project, and hands shoot up volunteering to research Mexico (from two different people in two different classes!) or Las Vegas (!), the need to back up and go to their level is essential. Or, on the flip side, if students say that this story needs to be turned into a movie, questions like, "How would you change scenes to make it more entertaining?" or "Why do you think so?" helps build their critical thinking skills.

Adjusting the lesson for an unexpected question, or for more background knowledge, or for a need to simply say it a different way makes those imaginary lightbulbs in the air flicker brightly just a little more.


Just like at home, when something needs to be clarified, it is handled as soon as it comes up.  The longer kids wait to have the correct information, the longer their synapses are firing at the wrong nerves.  Jesse lost his first tooth recently, literally lost it.  He had the prior knowledge that he HAD to have the actual tooth in possession so the tooth fairy would exchange it for money.  Tears came, panic set in.  People at my house at the time had an understanding, and we all frantically searched the floor of every room.

After searching and not finding, we came up with a different plan: to write a letter.

We adjusted his thinking so that the next time he lost his tooth (which was the next day), and if he literally lost it again (which he did), he'd know what to do.

We're also lucky that we have coaches in our lives who are constantly adjusting the way the boys learn.  Here, Jason's coach gives him and a partner an extra challenge as they've already mastered the dribbling drill.

Whenever there is a need, adjusting the plans accordingly almost seems common sense.  But it does take some reflective thought, some action.  Our boys are surrounded by positivity that I'm sure they will bury "boys will be boys."

Being a teammate

Teams. Cooperation. Participation. Engagement.  Work.

As I start the new school year next week, I want to commit to a theme: teamwork.  I want students to know HOW to work in a group, WHY it's important, and WHAT to do if something doesn't go the way it's expected.  Of course, they will need to be held accountable for their individual goals, but I want a feeling of collective ownership in the class.

One of the ways I was thinking of introducing this is with "Lessons from the Geese."  In one of the *yawn* countless professional developments I've attended, this one stuck with me for some reason.  It goes like this:

I want the class to use more "we" statements, rather than "I" statements.  I want them to get somewhere together.  Celebrate each other's successes.  We'll see how it goes.

At home, our different personalities sometimes clash.   It's been nice to help the boys get started in the morning, instead of focusing on just MY rush to work.  By the time the alarm goes off, older brother is ready, willing, able, downstairs, setting the table, changed, and so on.  BUT, the younger brother likes to take...his...sweet...time.....

Okay, so he DID put his socks on....

If you've read some of the past posts, we're trying really hard to stay positive, and not do the yelling and the pressuring.  Little brother broke down last week wailing, "Why am I so sloowwww?"  I wanted to chuckle, but he was so genuine.  I bent down to his eye-level, hugged him, and said, "Some people take their time, and that's okay.  But you know what? You've got your brother, your dad, and me to help you out!  We're a team."  As soon as I said that, his shoulders relaxed and he continued on the morning routine.

It made me think of how in teams, people count on each other, and good coaches teach that.  Teammates work together to get to their goals.  It also makes me think that coaches have such a profound responsibility to help instill this value.  We're so lucky that we've encountered so many committed coaches (of course, there have been some of the others) that helped the boys improve their skills.

Jesse gets a pass from a teammate (Coach Dad taught them about transition offense)

Jason takes the shot after great passes from teammates (coach taught them to look for open teammates)

Hopefully, the boys will encourage and help their teammates, whether the team is their family, classmates, or even strangers.  And we want them to be thoughtful especially when encountering a situation where we may not be around to remind them.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Speaking positive words

Manners are constantly challenged by everyday actions, social media comments, Vines, vulgar music...it's everywhere!  In my classroom, there is no room for put-downs.  "Please" and "thank you" are words taught and used. Tier 2 academic vocabulary outweighs tier 1 everyday common words, slang included.  It is extremely difficult to enforce these ALL the time, but I'd like to think that I try to set up the atmosphere that is safe for the students to speak out without the fear of chastisement.  Middle school is a tough place.  My certain demographic for the last couple of years have shown me that these kids are really sensitive under all that tough exterior.

Our own kids are showing some qualities of spoiled brats, so we need to pause (#grandparentswillbegrandparents).  They recently received 'unbirthday presents,' and first reactions were not mannerous.  We did not like what we saw.

In raising two boys, we've tried to envision how we want them to be as grown men.

Here's our experiment: Invert negatives into positives.

1. Use the word "hate" less.  Jesse: "I hate these headphones!" --> "I like the other headphones better."
2. Nix "annoying."  --> Be specific.  "It's too loud."
3. Change "boring." --> What IS fun?  "I like doing the math page instead of the writing page."
4. Don't get so angry when you lose a game.  --> "Maybe I'll use Eye Brawl next time."  (Jesse was about to throw something at his brother for beating him at Skylanders.  I had him take a breath, and he came up with that on his own!  Yay.)
5. Get "anger" out of the control room.  'Inside Out' was SUCH A GREAT MOVIE!  We are constantly revisiting our emotions, and now that the boys have a visual, they can communicate their feelings so much better.  

They even created another emotion, Awesomeness:

This parenting advice article made me nod my head to myself.  #6: "Don't catch every fall" is a philosophy that we've used since the boys were babies.  But they do need guidance.  The boys are lucky (or unlucky mwaha) that summer is learning time.  Learning to be positive.  Learning to be nice.  Learning to be gentlemen.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Accepting that THERE ARE NO BREAKS

Oh, sure, teachers have "vacations" and "time off."  NOT THE CASE.  A good teacher works at school, after school, at meetings, at home, in the car, in their dreams, during "breaks"...  It's taken me a while to try to separate work/home, and I think I've got a good balance, but, no, there are no breaks.

My hubby gets an earful of "this" meeting, or "that" test, or "these" grades, or "those" students.  My computer never truly sleeps as it searches for articles or video clips that will help students relate to the next unit.

What do teachers really do?  This video is clear: Teachers make it happen.

At home, THERE ARE NO BREAKS.  Children are big, ticking alarm clocks that go off at random times.

The plan was 2 kids, 2 years apart.  Ever since the oldest could walk, we noted their interests.  Now, at 8 and 6, they can handle up to 2 activities at a time. Those 4 activities sometimes fill 6 out of the 7 days of the week.  There was a good 4 weeks where our schedule went like this:

Monday--baseball game

Tuesday--baseball practice/rehearsal

Wednesday--basketball practice

Thursday--baseball game/rehearsal

Friday--baseball practice

Saturday--2 baseball games, basketball game, support cousins at their games, rehearsal

 Fall 

Winter 

Spring 

As we chugged along eating fast-food dinners, sleeping in until the last possible minute, adding miles to the cars, I realized that this busy life is THE life.  The life that we are choosing together.  We want to provide opportunities for the boys to discover their passions.  The above may look like over-kill, but these boys are enjoying every single minute.  School has not suffered, no stresses or tears (well, maybe the occasional whining), but overall, this is turning out to be a crazy, fun time.

Finding the balance between quantity and quality is a goal.  We want to make sure that they are learning sportsmanship, improving skills, building friendships, all the while not feeling like we're forcing them to.  We're lucky that we've come across some good coaches/directors who have similar values.  It really amazes us how these adults can have so much passion for their trade and it truly does make an impact on our boys.  So commendable that these people have families, jobs, responsibilities of their own, and take the time to help other kids be their best.

Through all this madness, how do we the parents keep our sanity?  Sneak away once in a while, of course.  An older couple with kids once gave this advice to a friend: take time as a family, as a couple, and sometimes by yourselves.

Up next...

Summer approaches, the rigid work hours and school bells pause, but life doesn't stop. 

Play will be supervised, meals will be prepared, rooms will be cleaned, writing/art/math will be practiced, camps will be planned, personalities will be shaped to bury "boys will be boys."

Finding the right motivation

As a teacher, I want students to eventually want to do things intrinsically, to be motivated by a passion of learning.  In reality, depending on their age/development, many students do things for a grade, a raffle ticket, a sticker, a toy, a piece of candy, money, an outside reward.  These material rewards are necessary at times, and it's hard to wean them off to just learn for the sake of learning.  This takes more than one teacher, one period, one year.  I think it takes encouragement from school and home, and over time, maybe, the student can push themselves off into college and beyond, find something of their choosing, study something that excites them. 

The current culture of instant-gratification and materialism, #firstworldproblems, seems to keep students farther away from being intrinsically motivated.  The resiliency of the kids that do adapt to #firstworldproblems is done with decision-making.  "Adversity Leads to Beliefs Leads to Consequences" shows that an attitude of positivity can affect outcomes.  Another view is that having positive role models, "charismatic adults," to provide choices can allow students to feel a sense of control.  In the end, children must learn to have intrinsic motivation.

One of my hopes for my own children is that they will find and keep this intrinsic motivation.  We hope they will learn something for the sake of learning; satisfy curiosity with inquisitiveness; become better at their sport for the sake of fun and health; find a career that when they wake up to go to "work," they'll find some happiness in doing what they do.  While this is in the distant future, we can do things now to encourage without pressure.

On numerous occasions, Jason was offered money for doing things that doing them in itself should be its own reward.  We want him to want to spell things correctly; we want him to want to do well in his basketball game.

To alter this mentality of "doing something for something in return," we realized some things: we needed to teach our kids to be athletes; athletes need sportsmanship; sportsmanship is a learned skill.  Not a competitive bone in my body growing up, I had to figure out the do's and don'ts of being a parent audience member, of trying to navigate the culture of sports, of setting an example for the kids, of walking the fine line of encouraging the kids to have fun and the urgency to win.  This article by Dr. Burnett affirmed what I've seen: finding the right motivation is not as easy as it sounds.

It took a football mom to get me to see that we should encourage ALL players and not just our own kids.  In Jason's first season of flag football, I was so excited to see that Jason picked up routes and plays so quickly.  He made a touchdown, and I jumped up from my seat, clapped, and screamed, "GOOOOO JASON!!!"  Immediately after, this more experienced football mom yelled, "Good job, Vikings!"  I realized then that maybe I shouldn't be as excited for just MY player.  She did not say it in so many words, and I may be over-thinking this, but I'm glad she indirectly pointed this out to me.

Of course, give credit to where it's due: Jason was THE leading scorer of the season, and we definitely had a great time watching him at every single game.

In Jesse's first basketball season, he celebrates this shot as if they really kept score.  Although it was in good fun, a part of me kept thinking that he shouldn't gloat so much.  But for now, let's laugh out loud.

Jason leads the line for the post-game high-fives.  This tradition proves that, regardless of a win or loss, appreciating the opposing team's efforts is part of good sportsmanship.

We enjoy their enthusiasm for the little things.  We hope they enjoy whatever choices they make. We know they'll enjoy everything just a little more with intrinsic motivation. Bury "boys will be boys."