Sensing kryptonite

Being a teacher means being aware... aware of the 35 students' behaviors, attention-spans, interests, dislikes, and... health issues.  We are pretty lucky that we have a computerized tracking system that gives us access to so much student information, like attendance, recent school picture, test scores, and health records.  With a click of a mouse, I can take a quick glance into their past, and use it for decisions I make in the present.

When Jesse was 2, we began suspecting something about his health; nothing drastic, but something a little nutty.  During a quick trip to Trader Joes, big brother got to pick a snack.  We paid, we left, they opened the package in the car.  After 3 bites, Jesse tossed the bag over to me.  He started coughing lightly.  I was driving, so I couldn't do much but ask if he's okay.  We arrived at home, and his face had red, hive-like streaks.  His eyes were puffy; he's scratching his ears and neck.  I ran and got the Benadryl.  I looked at the snack: Peanut Butter Pretzels.

"Eh, he can't be allergic," I thought to myself.  No one in my extended family has extreme allergies.  And Jesse has such an appetite, he'll eat anything!  "Maybe it'll go away."

A couple months later, we decided to eat at La Bou.  One of our favorite dishes is the Asian noodle salad.  It came with peanuts, but we moved them to the side so Jesse can try this delicious dish.  The fork barely touched his lips, and the hive-like rashes formed right down his mouth.  "Uh oh."

A trip to the allergist it is.  The blood-draw tested over 30 different reactions.  Kaiser does a great job of keeping their website up-to-date, so I checked every day for the results.  I don't have a medical background whatsoever, so I clicked away at each test...ryegrass <.10; elm <.10; mugwort <.10 (mugwort? what is that?); cat dander <.10; dog dander .23; cottonwood <.10... clicking away, not knowing what I was really looking at.  Test result number twenty-nine: peanut.  93.5.  93.5!

I clicked on "About this Test," but it only gave me generic information of the blood-draw.  I wanted to know what that number meant!  I called my husband (why?  he can't interpret it!), and we finally got the allergist's response:

Peanut was the only significantly positive test (class V = very high positive). There were a few tree nuts that were class I (very low positive). I think the risk of Jesse reacting to nuts from trees is very low.
Also - no allergies to any of the environmental allergens (pollen, mold, dust mite, cat, dog)

Wait, what? I read it three more times.  Well, what does it mean?  What does Jesse need?  Is there a cure?  A vaccine? (vaccines are always the answer, right?) Will he be okay?  I know peanut allergies are pretty common, as pointed out by my sister later, but I had never had any close encounters with this, even in all my years of teaching.

Recently, a local 13-year-old girl died (died!) after a bite, Benadryl, and three Epi-pens.  Our Superman has a kryptonite.  It could be worse, I know.  But we will be cautious wherever we go.  We will carry his Epi-pen around.  We will notice every "peanut-free" sign, even the one at his new school.  He knows he's allergic.  He knows he can't just put anything in his mouth.  He has to be the one in charge of his "bizarre but delicious" food creations, and not eat everything in sight, like all the other boys around him.  So, in that regard, we'll have to bury "boys will be boys."

Balancing attention-grabbers

Teaching has become an acting gig.  We are constantly trying to "entertain" our audiences/students and grab their attention.  I choose to sprinkle the reading and writing with art, movement, music activities, and definitely multimedia.

Knowing what's "in" with current mainstream trends can give more buy-in to a lesson.  When giving context to the term "subplot" to 8th graders, I used the show "Phineas and Ferb."  The main plot of the show is the brothers trying to have the best summer adventure, while the subplot could be Mr. Perry trying to defeat Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

At home, we ensure a balance of activities is available.  Bikes, basketball, baseball, coloring, art, anything in the infamous "toy room," and yes, sometimes, tv, computer games, the Wii.  They are free to come and go at their leisure, as long as they're playing the right way and clean up after they're done.  However, the most repeated activity is... pretend play!  Being different characters allows them to use imagination, creativity, and explore feelings/emotions.

The most elaborate schemes take planning, preparation, props, and participation from the parents.  One summer morning, they wanted to play school.  I was the teacher, Daddy was the bus driver, and the boys were "Lucas"(aka "Lookis," see picture) and "Kai."  Jas, the mastermind behind it all, assembled the numerous "tables" and chairs in the entire downstairs area.  After art time, reading time, and of course, recess, the day was over.  They created their own fun; memories made, dots connected.


Almost every morning, they wake up being someone else.  Even when we visit my grandmother, the first thing she'll ask the boys is, "Who are you today?"  Much credit of the balancing act goes to the boys and their choices, but we try to make sure those opportunities are available, opportunities that foster creativity, imagination, and positive play.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Connecting the dots

No, not to make pretty pictures. In teaching a unit or concept, one goal I have is for students to make connections to other concepts, possibly text-to-text, text-to-world, or text-to-self. The more prior knowledge they have, the richer the connections, discussions, and understandings. Many times, teachers end up having to reach and stretch the dots closer together, or even build bridges for the correct perceptions.

At home, we definitely try to help them connect dots.  After watching Turbo, we went home and got all our Cars books and toys out because both were about racing (text-to-text, where the "text" is a movie).  Maybe brains at 4 and 6 aren't mature enough yet, but we can try with things like, "What does this remind you of?" or "This character is like..."

Some funny "connections" from my youngest when he was 3:

• He's sitting crisscross applesauce, occupied with a toy. After his attention span gets the better of him, he rises awkwardly and rubs his foot back and forth. His face winces. He's not so sure about this new tingling feeling. "Mommy! Help! My foot's buffering!"
• The two boys and I braved the zoo that is Costco.  We had some extra time, so we sit down at the food court to enjoy our meal. An elderly man walks by the outer aisle to find a seat. He politely glances at the boys, who are laughing at something, and I give the man a small smile. He and his turban drift further away from us when Jesse looks up and whispers with a small gasp, "Mom, a genie!"
• Our fridge failed its mission. Food no longer cold, ice no longer solid. What we can salvage finds a temporary home at my mom's house. We set up an appointment for a repairman who, the next day, shows up and investigates. He speaks to my husband, in his Russian or Russian-like accent, about the problem, the part, how much. I finally come home, and Jesse runs, hugs, and then informs me, "Mom, the man's fixing our fridge. He speaks Spanish."

In all of these instances, he was being so sincere. I stifle my giggle, and after each misundestood dot-connection, a conversation follows, a bridge constructed to connect the correct dots.  With any new experience, we find it valuable that he expresses his thoughts, so if he perceives something wrong that could come back even worse, especially if it deals with race, we're on it.

So many jokes get told with the cloak of humor, and we try to convey that it's not funny if it's at someone else's expense, and we're sure to address that race is not a laughing matter.  The Kids React to Cheerios commercial  is an awesome example of how kids are connecting their own dots the right way.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Keeping up with the toy industry

Materialism: no escaping it in this country.  In the classroom, it's a good idea to at least know a couple things that are "in" and cool to the kids.  As I get "older" (*gasp*), some of the cool toy brands (Garbage Pail Kids, Cabbage Patches, Strawberry Shortcake) have been sadly replaced by things like Bratz, Kendamas, and the countless leave-little-to-the-imagination toys that compete for our kids' attention.  Why do teachers need to be in the know?  Making connections from a text to something they're familiar with makes learning new concepts a little easier.

At home, mainstream characters have invaded every single room of our two-story house.

After 10 birthday parties under our belts, our boys have accumulated I'm sure over a million toys.  When our guests leave, the boys are high on stimulation overload, so we decided to not open every single gift at once.  One or two toys a day is more than enough to satisfy their toy cravings.  After a week, a pile of toys still sits unopened, and, to them, disregarded.

We truly are grateful for being in this position (aka first-world problems).  We've been to our fair share of events, and we help them understand that gifts should have no strings attached--we don't expect anything in return, nor do we say a couple days later to a friend, "Who got you that?" knowing full well it was us. Let's appreciate that just the thought alone is worth way more than the gift itself.

With all these thoughtful gifts, we designated a "toy room" to keep some kind of order in the chaos that is: Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Transformers, Avengers, Power Rangers, Angry Birds, Yo Gabba, Beyblades, Bakugan, Dagadar, Ultraman, Lego, Lego Ninjago, Hot Wheels, Toy Story toys, Cars toys, music toys, dinosaurs, sports equipment... you name it!  Wow, how can a kid ever get bored?

Well, after dutifully purging...donating...recycling... arranging and rearranging, where do the boys spend their time?  In the dining room making a fort!

Pillows, blankets, chairs entertain them for hours, and I sit here thinking, "The poor toys! If the toys were on 'Toy Story,' they would end up at Sunnyside or in an attic.  Do I donate more? E-bay? Craigslist? Garage sale?" I have no solution, and the more time passes, the more we run out of closet space.

When people ask what to buy them, yes, there are some fads that will pop out of their mouths that second, but reflecting on what makes them truly happy, someone may as well give them a rock and they'll find something to do with it.  Okay, I'm exaggerating, but using imagination helps bury "boys will be boys."

Watching for themes

Authors want their readers to interpret a text and find something meaningful to take away, a life-lesson.  Being a Language Arts teacher, I can guide my class into analyzing plots, characters, settings, to identify themes about life.  When I show even a clip of a movie in my classroom, I want students to figure out a deeper message. Teaching has made me look for themes in every movie, tv show, song, play, commercial, anything with a plot.

Going to the movies nowadays has been a little eye-opening, especially when it costs almost $50 for 1.5 hours of entertainment.

Monsters U: Memorable characters and interesting concept. However, I walked away with the message that it's okay to get expelled from college?? And that college is all about fraternities and sororities? I hope they make a third in the series about how making kids laugh is better than making them scared. Grade: C

Turbo: Hmm.. Some foreign substance has to get into your system to make you go fast.. not quite the message I was hoping for. But, they did show a great scene demonstrating brotherly-love, and the themes of don't give up and be proud of who you are came through. Grade: B

Whatever the story, it feels like a better use of time to find a deeper meaning, and discuss.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Embracing technology

Smartboards have revolutionized my teaching!  My first year as a teacher, I was at a school where chalkboard dust existed along with the not-as-ancient curriculum I had to teach.  So, I persuaded my principal to install a whiteboard.  Fast forward a couple years, and a couple schools, I cannot live without my more-than-glorified projector.  I find cool features and tricks every year, and I hope my students are having as much fun with it as I am.

I just heard my 6-year-old record himself reading on a Toy Story book app. As he played it back, his eyes lit up, and he was so proud of how he sounded.  So cool to see him enjoying reading so much!  When he was 2, my other son played a simple matching game on an app that leveled from beginning to advanced.  At 4, he can do the advanced so easily.  I know there is a lot of research about limiting technology at a young age, and I agree to an extent. If it's doesn't turn into an addiction, we're going to embrace it!

Age-appropriate apps for my kids, please!  A venture to an unfamiliar Ipad has led to more conversations about using the right words (1000 dumb ways to die, no thank you!  a farting app, no thank you! an ugly scale, no thank you!).

With any new fad that comes, a conversation follows:)  Bury "boys will be boys."

Planning ahead

So, in the summer, our so-called "vacation," many teachers are busy working on long term plans, which funnels into weekly plans, and finally narrows into our daily plans.  I think parenting can be similar.  Before even having kids, my husband and I tried to backwards map some ideas about life, like: How do we visualize our kids as adults?  What do we want them to act like?  How would we want them to treat people?  Treat nature?

So whatever our answers are, we try to celebrate those in the present.  For example, future goal 1: we want them to have an appreciation for animals.  Present: we talk to them about animals when we visit zoos or museums, we encounter little critters around the neighborhood, maybe we'll own a pet later on... 

Future Goal 2: we want them to be physically active and healthy.  Present: we encourage team sports.  If they don't enjoy it, we're gonna keep trying until we find something they'll be comfortable with and feel success at.  My husband has found a new love in coaching..  That's how we'll satisfy our 30-hours of parent participation every year! 

Future Goal 3: find and use the positive.  Present: we celebrate any new experiences and reflect.  "What was your favorite part of today?"

We realize that life may not turn out the way we plan, but at least our boys will be set up to enjoy their memories and hopefully make their mark in a way that will make us proud.  And when things do change, talking it through as a family helps.  Bury "boys will be boys."

P.S.   This is not a complete list of goals, nor ranked in any order, of course!  Always a work in progress...

Reversing the "boys will be boys" mentality

As a middle school teacher and a mother of 2 boys (ages 4 and 6), I’ve read countless books and articles about stereotypical gender differences, especially at the start of school age: girls = self-reliant, boys = destructive.  I do not want my sons to be in the “boys will be boys” category, so here are some strategies that my husband and I are implementing (and hopefully will make a lasting impression):

1.    Practicing conversations without the use of negative words (stupid, dumb, idiot…).  Media bombards us all with these simple, yet oppressive words that could lead to name-calling and negative thoughts, stereotypes, prejudices.  These words are banned from their mouths and ears right when they hear it.  We even created a game where if they hear a word they know we don't like, change it into a "better" word.  Example: "shut up and drive" song turns into "step up and drive."  A little cheesy, but positive.

“Please” and “thank you” are enforced.  When requests are made, they are constantly reminded to be polite with the situation in mind.  When they get older and encounter a wider variety of situations that I might not be at, I’ll ask them to “Code Switch,” a term that means appropriately switch the way you address people depending on where/who you’re with.  The tone of voice is also emphasized. Even at sports games, the boys don’t “boo” the other team, but just cheer for their team.

“Ha-ha! I got it first!”  Our reply, “Is that the right way to say that you’re happy about something?”

2.    Role-playing situations where children could get frustrated.  When Jesse was 2, his tantrums were unbearable.  When he wanted something, he would automatically scream and yell and stomp his feet.  Two things worked: CALMLY redirecting him to something else, or CALMLY waiting it out and reminding him of the “right way to act when you get mad: calm down, walk away, use your words.”  Before we go to places where the kids might get different reactions from people, we remind them of 3 rules: no spitting, no naughty words, no hurting people.

3.    Limiting physical “pretend-fighting,” wrestling, sword fighting, gun shooting, etc.  (Organized sports not included: those are encouraged).  Whatever form of “playing” that could end up with someone hurt, we limit.  We feel that the more exposure (physical or visual) of these fighting moves, the more it could become second nature to act aggressively.  While I agree that defending yourself is sometimes necessary, more solutions are found in using the right words.  Many may feel that a physical fight is a rite of passage or what boys need to get aggression out, I caution that this perpetuates the “boys will be boys” mentality. 

When I am explicitly in charge of other people’s children, I definitely take these fighting rules to heart.  I wouldn’t want to send my kid to someone’s house only to pick them up at a hospital.

“I’m gonna shoot the bad guys!”  My reply, “What did they do?  Are you defending yourself?”
 

4.    Giving choices when disagreements arise. “You can choose to have fun today or not,” “we can go later or not at all…”  This gives some of the decision-making to the children.  For non-negotiables, for sure, we enforce, but we try not to sound like the demanding parents that we all know (either our own parents or friends).  We're still using countdowns and time-outs at this age, followed with a conversation.  "What will you do next time?"

5.    Spending time observing them interact with other kids. We like to ask them how they felt during their time. We ask them if there was a better way to say/do something. We reinforce the positive behaviors. We emphasize that we want them to be good people, and doing things the right way helps them in the long run.

Someone asked me if raising kids was hard.  It is, and I end up worrying more about things I can’t control, like the people and things that influence my kids (with their knowledge or not).  But what I can control, for a limited time anyway, is modeling these behaviors.  Bury "boys will be boys."