Realizing that kids become adults

In the classroom, content knowledge is important.  Having students take away skills and use them in the outside world is definitely a goal and a challenge.  But so is character-building.  I know of several teachers who have the mind-set of "I don't need to teach them social skills; that's not my job; that's their parents' job." I disagree.  I believe that if you are in a place that surrounds yourself with children, with human beings who eventually become the leaders of our society, we need to teach them manners, respect, integrity, positivity.

My grandmother passed this week.  She was the matriarch of our family.  Her life story, if it was a book, contained many chapters, beginning in the Philippines in 1925.  I wouldn't do her justice if I pretended to know and write about her life, but I do know what I shared with her.  She made my lunches in grade school, she was there to randomly talk to during high school, she was one of my movie partners in college.

Where her chapters and mine collided is where I'll be today.  I'll remember the times she laughed, played piano, did chores happily, loved cooking (some dishes great, some not so great lol), but most of all, I'll remember her legacy: family is important.

After college, I went on to create my own family.  Less and less time was with Lola, but more and more time with 2 (3) of the greatest boys.

One day, I was talking to Lola about the boys.  Her eyesight was fading, and she said she only remembers Jason's face.  She asked me what Jesse looked like.  "You can tell they're brothers."  She told me she noticed the way my voice doesn't get loud when I talk to them.  She told me she was glad that the boys are learning about Jesus.  She said there's something special about my little family.  She told me that she was proud.

My dad said to remember the first time she smiled at you, and the last time.  I will never forget.

My Lola proved that family comes first.  Maybe it's no coincidence that her own mother was a schoolteacher.  Because Lola always believed in a responsibility to look out for the young ones.  When her family grew and grew and grew, she made sure to instill a sense of morality, of right and wrong, of the just, of God.  I keep that with me, for my family and my career.

Family lives on.  I will think of the way she raised her own kids and grandkids, and I will make sure my kids know manners, respect, integrity, positivity.  The next generation will not quite know what it was like to live in the presence of Lola, but they can be sure that the legacy of the "Santos Mafia" continues.  The kids will be adults, and hopefully they see that "your children will become who you are, so be who you want them to be" (anonymous).  Bury "boys will be boys."

P.S. My cousin's perspective of Lola

Enjoying simplicity

Students respond to structure, routines, planned and well-executed lessons.  The word "simple" does not usually come to mind when I think of a classroom.  But, there are two ways that "simple" saves me: 1. I can't overwhelm myself in my work-world.  Not saying I'm less dedicated than when I first started, but I've needed to find ways to balance work/home life.  2. My audience is kids; although some less innocent than others, kids really are simple, unique thinkers.

When I look at the daily activities of a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old on summer vacation, I can't help but smile at these fun, innocent, energetic beings.  Even though they've found the "stash" of toy guns I was trying so desperately to keep away from them; they've found out that wrestling can be fun; they've eaten all of the unhealthy snacks in the pantry, etc, etc, etc... I have to remember that it's just simple fun.

Because by the end of the day, we've counted more laughs and smiles than tears and frowns.  

At first glance, it may seem possible to just live in this bliss. However, raising simple children is no where near easy. A conscious effort is necessary.

Parenting has definitely shifted from times when we were children, a crisis, some say.  The author suggests that many parents today are giving in too easily to children's demands, making children have more power and a sense of entitlement.  Some nuggets from the article:

• "...setting limits is hard"
• "Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion."
• "Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too."  

Following this advice is by no means 'simple.'  Many parents often will not allow others to help, in fear of appearances.  For example, sometimes my teacher instinct to correct other kids' behavior kicks in, but other times, it doesn't.  Should it depend on the circumstance, situation, people involved?  Should I mind my own business?  When it's about my kids' safety, I'll for sure step in.  And in the long run, everyone involved in raising children to be responsible citizens instead of entitled beings will help develop an overall wellness of society.  Working hard at structuring behaviors now (of any kid around) will likely pay off, and, finally, the simple fun can be enjoyed.

A first lost tooth...

J: "Mom, the tooth fairy didn't come!!!"  

Me: "How do you know?"

J: "There's no fairy dust!"

A third lost tooth, a simple smile: 

The entertainment never ends; a simple trick:

Parenting and teaching require hard, thoughtful processes.  We aim to purposefully reflect on parenting actions that we know will have long-lasting results.  Hoping that, even though it does take effort, we can enjoy simplicity and bury "boys will be boys."

Thawing a frozen heart

In the classroom, we aim to reach and teach every student.  Most students want to please, many students will try, and some students have so much going on in their personal lives, that education is not a high priority.  Whatever the situation, teaching is easier when you have some kind of buy-in.  The few with frozen hearts often fall through the cracks.

On the way home from a family trip, we watched

"Frozen," and I realized that frozen hearts are too common.  Many have analyzed the theme of the movie, most falling into the category of sibling love (a far-reaching theme of hetero- vs. homo-sexuality was..interesting; read more here).

What I keep wondering is how different the movie (and themes) would be if the siblings were brothers.  How often do we get to see the sensitive side of boys?  How do little boys deal with being shut out?

"Do you wanna build a snowman?  C'mon, let's go and play.  I never see you anymore; come out the door.  It's like you've gone away.  We used to be best buddies, and now we're not.  I wish you would tell me why.  It doesn't have to be a snowman.  (Go away, Anna.) Okay, bye."

Now, imagine a little boy singing this. (Jason told me lyrics, while Jesse sang along.)  Even with boys, the many girly Disney tunes are sung in our house (lol).

Siblings have a very unique bond, and only in fiction are there perfect families.  At a retreat group a lifetime ago, my sisters and I were in charge of a talk about family life.  I quoted Tupac, apparently, (I only knew/analyzed his lyrics in my adult life) when I said that it's "us against the world."  It felt like it to me; we were our playmates after school, weekends, parties, celebrations...  My extended family is so large that cousins/siblings became our first friends.  These parties, hang-outs, birthdays, milestones, etc. would not have less than 30 people involved.  On the other hand, my husband's blood relatives lived in so many places that the neighborhood kids were the 'family friends' who partied, hung out together.  A newer example I encountered was alternating years of birthday celebrations: even years are with family, odd years with friends.  Regardless of who is considered family, the bonds are what make "different flowers from the same garden."

Take Google's circles, or any social media site.  We categorize the people in our lives "family" or "friends."  I guess sometimes they blend, but we are forced to choose.  These categories are not set in stone.  We can choose to "unfriend" or "unfollow" someone when we feel like it.  We can choose to not hang out or not call back in the real world.  Whichever the circumstances, life sometimes gives us pieces of ice that end up freezing our hearts.  Some people in our circles can help us deal with these, but ultimately we have a choice (as in "Frozen") to move forward and thaw these frozen hearts.

How do I make sure that I'm not causing an icicle in the boys' hearts?  An observant non-parent said, "any little thing you say or do may potentially have a profound impact on your child."  Kids definitely take in everything around them, especially during the toddler years.  An author on the Huffington Post gets it.  So many times I find myself losing my patience or saying or doing something without thinking about how it'll affect the boys.  Example, everything on Facebook shows off the side that we want to be seen.  Watch this video (that I did not post on FB or IG):

Great job, little one!  But in the background, Jason is frustrated that I'm not paying attention to him.   I meant to tell him that I'll listen to him, I meant to tell him that I'm proud that he's reading, I meant to tell him that I can record him, too.  But I went on recording his brother.  He may keep this icicle and think that we favor the 'baby' of the family.  I want to start making sure that he knows that we love the both of them.  That sometimes his jealousness is unnecessary.  That he is special and unique on his own.  And his brother is, too.  I want to make him see that we are trying to treat them fairly, and fair doesn't necessarily mean the same.  We don't purposely try to do wrong, but some ice may unintentionally form.

I'm hoping that the boys end up with bond that sticks.  I know they won't come to us for everything, but maybe, just maybe, they can go through their world with each other.  However the ice may form, work it out, talk it through, experience life together.  Instead of hiding/isolating frozen hearts, I hope they have each other to bury "boys will be boys."

Sticking to a memory

In my not-so-many years of teaching, one thing a mentor teacher said stuck with me: kids sometimes don't remember what you teach them, but the memory of how they felt, they will take with them.  Even though I lost touch with her over the years, whenever a situation arises that I can decide to have the child remember something about the way I make them feel, I use that to my advantage.  This philosophy is sometimes tricky to stick to, especially at the middle school level.  Their brains seem wired to 'test' authority figures.  How does "tough love" translate into a memory?

One thing my mom used to do when we were younger also stuck.  When she would get mad (rightfully so) at us for something we did wrong, the next memory she would give would be a happy one, whether a softer-toned conversation, a favorite food, an outing, or something of the sort.

At home, the boys are becoming more rambunctious: wrestling, WWE, play-fighting, karate-kicking, etc. These boys' imaginations are growing more and more into the likes of "Street Fighter,"ninjas, toy swords and guns, etc.  While I know this may be 'normal,' I feel like their innocent play is fading.  Conversations are about not hurting people, even in pretend.  These goofy kids are not malicious, but the characters who they're pretending to be may be.

trying to act hard in his own 'selfie'

playing at gramma's house

When they cross a line, counting down and time-outs are routine.  Sometimes our patience wears thin, but the above beliefs comes back to me.  We try to make the distinction between reality and pretend clear, but are their brains ready for that?  And with their growing awareness of "punishment vs. obedience," are they ready to use what we've been teaching them?

Whatever 'punishments' we decide to use, we hope they'll realize that we want them to remember the lesson, and not carry with them the memory of their immediate reaction.  I just want to bottle up this sweet simplicity and bury "boys will be boys."