Speaking up and speaking out

Don't complain if you're not going to do anything about it. Solve your problem. Don't be a bystander.

In the classroom, a lot of learning happens, but also a lot of whining happens.

• I don't have a pencil. 
• He touched my shoe. 
• She made fun of the way I write.  
• He laughed at me.
• This is hard.
• I'm not good at writing.

Well, children, speak up.  To that person.  To yourself.  Figure out how to get past the problem. I respond by going to "growth mindset" (Google, read more here or here) and pointing to my classroom wall.  Students rephrase or ask a question to help themselves.

(Image from Google; variations of this are found in classrooms at our school)

At home, the boys can get under each other's skin.  The two of them mostly get along, but living with, playing with, sharing a room with, breathing with one another 24/7 is not always high-fives and hugs.  Jesse, being the younger, tries to play this card often: "I'm telling!" We hear that, and automatically say, "tell HIM, not us."  Tell him to stop ____; tell him you don't like that; tell him you'd rather play something else. Oh, and use a calm voice while you're at it.

Their out-of-town sleepover without us was our "test" to see if he could handle his brother being a "big bother" instead of "big brother." And the result: he's not there YET lol.

Jason with long hair when he became a "big brother."

We're glad Jason is one to speak up.  When a classmate said, "I can't run. I just can't do it!" and was about to give up, he and his friends cheered her on.  With encouraging words, she did it.

We're also glad Jesse's learning "growth mindset" strategies in his own classroom as well.  He even showed me the youtube video they watched found here.  We constantly talk and use language that helps him connect to different situations.

After Jesse's first round of frustration, Dad helped him aim.

Winning came from not giving up (and from our wallets lol)

There's always someone who plays harder than you, who runs faster, who writes better, who wins more.  If you're giving your best shot, then we're proud of you. If you speak up when something goes wrong, we'll back you up.  If you act with authentic kindness, we'll love that you listened. #buryboyswillbeboys

P.S.  more on growth mindset here

Choosing love

It's hard to "love" 12-13 year-olds. They roll their eyes, they mutter under their breath, they start using cuss words, they say things without really thinking..  Over all of that noise, I tell myself they are really just kids trying to find their place in the world.

A lesson is so over once the kids are not emotionally involved.  It takes a good eye to try to make real-world connections with some of the concepts we're expected to teach.  Blogger Jessica Lahey notes that "to help students learn, engage the emotions." By either connecting to the concept or the teacher, learning happens.

In the classroom, I've been called "Mom" on accident on more than a couple occasions.  The more I think about it, I'm okay with being a mom-figure.

At home, a different set of mom-moments are everywhere:

• Messy house, check

              
 (Jesse even named our couch "the laundry couch")

• Drawings on the fridge, check

• Accomplishments they're proud of, check

       

• Framed memories, check

             
         

• Mothers' Day presents, check

Physical evidence of a home that is filled with love.  As parents, we purposely provide experiences rich in learning.  We want our boys to use their emotions, test out their wishes, play with ideas.  My husband's advice for a new mom, my sister:

"Enjoy it all! Give her more experiences than she can handle!

All the extracurricular she wants! Be there for everything! Try to give her everything! Cherish all of it. Make yourself available to her! Tell her you love her all the time! Hugs everyday! Let her sleep with you until she's maybe 10yrs old (lol)! Drop her off at school! Help in her classroom! Laugh with her and at her! Let her laugh with and at you! Make her a daddy's and mommy's girl! Kids are our greatest inventions!

Make sure to always want to spend time with, teach, encourage, and love her! They grow too fast and if you miss any of it, you'll regret it! Jesse just woke up right now and is explaining (in his words) "that the short hand is approaching the 7 so it's still 6 and the long hand on 5 so it :25" Kids are the best! So forget "yourself" and give it to her! She'll need all the help she can get in our crazy world."

Making the world a better place starts with family values.  The proof is in the human beings that we are raising.  Bury boys will be boys.