Enjoying simplicity

Students respond to structure, routines, planned and well-executed lessons.  The word "simple" does not usually come to mind when I think of a classroom.  But, there are two ways that "simple" saves me: 1. I can't overwhelm myself in my work-world.  Not saying I'm less dedicated than when I first started, but I've needed to find ways to balance work/home life.  2. My audience is kids; although some less innocent than others, kids really are simple, unique thinkers.

When I look at the daily activities of a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old on summer vacation, I can't help but smile at these fun, innocent, energetic beings.  Even though they've found the "stash" of toy guns I was trying so desperately to keep away from them; they've found out that wrestling can be fun; they've eaten all of the unhealthy snacks in the pantry, etc, etc, etc... I have to remember that it's just simple fun.

Because by the end of the day, we've counted more laughs and smiles than tears and frowns.  

At first glance, it may seem possible to just live in this bliss. However, raising simple children is no where near easy. A conscious effort is necessary.

Parenting has definitely shifted from times when we were children, a crisis, some say.  The author suggests that many parents today are giving in too easily to children's demands, making children have more power and a sense of entitlement.  Some nuggets from the article:

• "...setting limits is hard"
• "Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion."
• "Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too."  

Following this advice is by no means 'simple.'  Many parents often will not allow others to help, in fear of appearances.  For example, sometimes my teacher instinct to correct other kids' behavior kicks in, but other times, it doesn't.  Should it depend on the circumstance, situation, people involved?  Should I mind my own business?  When it's about my kids' safety, I'll for sure step in.  And in the long run, everyone involved in raising children to be responsible citizens instead of entitled beings will help develop an overall wellness of society.  Working hard at structuring behaviors now (of any kid around) will likely pay off, and, finally, the simple fun can be enjoyed.

A first lost tooth...

J: "Mom, the tooth fairy didn't come!!!"  

Me: "How do you know?"

J: "There's no fairy dust!"

A third lost tooth, a simple smile: 

The entertainment never ends; a simple trick:

Parenting and teaching require hard, thoughtful processes.  We aim to purposefully reflect on parenting actions that we know will have long-lasting results.  Hoping that, even though it does take effort, we can enjoy simplicity and bury "boys will be boys."

Thawing a frozen heart

In the classroom, we aim to reach and teach every student.  Most students want to please, many students will try, and some students have so much going on in their personal lives, that education is not a high priority.  Whatever the situation, teaching is easier when you have some kind of buy-in.  The few with frozen hearts often fall through the cracks.

On the way home from a family trip, we watched

"Frozen," and I realized that frozen hearts are too common.  Many have analyzed the theme of the movie, most falling into the category of sibling love (a far-reaching theme of hetero- vs. homo-sexuality was..interesting; read more here).

What I keep wondering is how different the movie (and themes) would be if the siblings were brothers.  How often do we get to see the sensitive side of boys?  How do little boys deal with being shut out?

"Do you wanna build a snowman?  C'mon, let's go and play.  I never see you anymore; come out the door.  It's like you've gone away.  We used to be best buddies, and now we're not.  I wish you would tell me why.  It doesn't have to be a snowman.  (Go away, Anna.) Okay, bye."

Now, imagine a little boy singing this. (Jason told me lyrics, while Jesse sang along.)  Even with boys, the many girly Disney tunes are sung in our house (lol).

Siblings have a very unique bond, and only in fiction are there perfect families.  At a retreat group a lifetime ago, my sisters and I were in charge of a talk about family life.  I quoted Tupac, apparently, (I only knew/analyzed his lyrics in my adult life) when I said that it's "us against the world."  It felt like it to me; we were our playmates after school, weekends, parties, celebrations...  My extended family is so large that cousins/siblings became our first friends.  These parties, hang-outs, birthdays, milestones, etc. would not have less than 30 people involved.  On the other hand, my husband's blood relatives lived in so many places that the neighborhood kids were the 'family friends' who partied, hung out together.  A newer example I encountered was alternating years of birthday celebrations: even years are with family, odd years with friends.  Regardless of who is considered family, the bonds are what make "different flowers from the same garden."

Take Google's circles, or any social media site.  We categorize the people in our lives "family" or "friends."  I guess sometimes they blend, but we are forced to choose.  These categories are not set in stone.  We can choose to "unfriend" or "unfollow" someone when we feel like it.  We can choose to not hang out or not call back in the real world.  Whichever the circumstances, life sometimes gives us pieces of ice that end up freezing our hearts.  Some people in our circles can help us deal with these, but ultimately we have a choice (as in "Frozen") to move forward and thaw these frozen hearts.

How do I make sure that I'm not causing an icicle in the boys' hearts?  An observant non-parent said, "any little thing you say or do may potentially have a profound impact on your child."  Kids definitely take in everything around them, especially during the toddler years.  An author on the Huffington Post gets it.  So many times I find myself losing my patience or saying or doing something without thinking about how it'll affect the boys.  Example, everything on Facebook shows off the side that we want to be seen.  Watch this video (that I did not post on FB or IG):

Great job, little one!  But in the background, Jason is frustrated that I'm not paying attention to him.   I meant to tell him that I'll listen to him, I meant to tell him that I'm proud that he's reading, I meant to tell him that I can record him, too.  But I went on recording his brother.  He may keep this icicle and think that we favor the 'baby' of the family.  I want to start making sure that he knows that we love the both of them.  That sometimes his jealousness is unnecessary.  That he is special and unique on his own.  And his brother is, too.  I want to make him see that we are trying to treat them fairly, and fair doesn't necessarily mean the same.  We don't purposely try to do wrong, but some ice may unintentionally form.

I'm hoping that the boys end up with bond that sticks.  I know they won't come to us for everything, but maybe, just maybe, they can go through their world with each other.  However the ice may form, work it out, talk it through, experience life together.  Instead of hiding/isolating frozen hearts, I hope they have each other to bury "boys will be boys."

Pushing towards happiness

Students oftentimes need a push, a nudge, even a shove (not literally) to achieve their goals.  It may be in the form of specific praise, encouraging words, a positive phone call home, constant feedback.  One behavior-tracking app a colleague just showed me was "Class Dojo," where the class can earn points for who's on-task. 

At home, these 'pushes' can be a little tricky.  When we had Jason, one of our hopes and dreams for him would be to have as many opportunities to explore his likes/dislikes, talents, interests, etc.  Well, the more we talked about it, the more we thought about the various ways parents go about this 'push.'  Some parents let the child explore on their own, with little intervention.  Other parents push their own interests on their kids.  Still other parents see what kids like, and help them pursue.

The Talent Code says that it takes 10,000 hours for someone to become an expert at something.  So, that means you start young.

My questions then become: how much do we push? When do we back off?  What regrets will we have later on?

Jason's basketball story: Even before he could walk, we would watch his dad play ball.  Soon, he got his first toy hoop and loved aiming, shooting, dunking.  Then came a bigger toy hoop, and eventually an outside hoop.  His focus and determination with every sport (as in a previous post) is evident.  We signed him up at the age of 4 for classes at the community center.  From there, he played in 2 non-competitive leagues, and honed his skills and strategies.  He loves playing with his friends and making new friends along the way.  Jason's favorite part of basketball is getting to the hoop and shooting.  He always keeps his head in the game.  His first competitive league this season could have gone better, but we're using it as a learning experience. 

Jesse's acting story: Summer of 2013, the Disney channel aired its version of "Grease"/"Back to the Beach": "Teen Beach Movie."  Singing and dancing to every song, Jesse made us smile.  We already knew that he picks up moves/songs easily, but this time, we saw this as an opportunity to cultivate this interest.  Browsing the local community center magazine, I came across a local theater company about to start a production, with rehearsals on Mondays and Wednesdays.  Jason's basketball practices are Mondays; how could we do both?

Two weeks later, a schedule change opened up, and we split up, taking the kids to their different activities.  Jesse had missed 5 rehearsals by this time; we knew he might not be as comfortable, having missed learning names, faces, rules, songs...  So we just wanted to see if this was something he'd like.  After roll-taking and a warm-up game, the "Nouns" song came on.  Jesse stood up with the rest of the class, looked to the kids on his right, and picked up the moves just like that!  His timing was a little off, but he was catching on quick.  By the third song, he was singing the word "Adjectives."  Adjectives!  We knew this was where he needed to be.

Both boys have expressed their continued interest in these hobbies.  If their interests change later on, we will support whatever makes them happy.  I will wonder, though, if they grow up and reflect, "I wish they had pushed me more."  Hopefully, we can continue pushing without shoving.  Bury "boys will be boys."

Using time wisely

Time is gold. Students get fifty minutes for learning, practicing, and proving they learned it. Bell-to-bell teaching. Planning to the minute is, ironically, time-consuming.  I even sacrifice my lunchtime to plan.  Now that my family time is priority #1, I try to use every non-teaching minute at school productively.

As challenging as balancing work-life and home-life may be, I still keep my teacher-heart.  What I like best is seeing the light bulbs and the "aha!" moments when students understand something.  Teaching them responsibiltiy and character with all the state-mandated curriculum is definitely a work of art.  It's using time wisely.

Even before our kids were born, we planned to build our family around the school calendar to maximize our baby-bonding time; those summer months add up to way more than the standard 6-week maternity leave.  We weren't too off; one was born in April, the other in June.

Our schedule has been hectic at times, but we've made it work.  And we can't forget grandparents and family who help out, too.  We even survived a whole year of baby-car-switching.  He would meet me at school, and we would switch cars to take turns caring for Jason.  So lucky, I've heard, to not have to deal with the crazy costs (financial and otherwise) of quality child care. 



2011

Fast forward six years, we don't plan out every second of the day, but we do seek out "family time," not just formal vacations, but time with the four of us. We're at the age where our social life has centered on kiddie parties and playdates. Every once in a while, when we get invited out, we have to ask, "Is the party kid-friendly?" and we are prepared for either answer. Facebook friends still post pictures of the carefree party life; good for them, making memories for themselves.  We've conscientiously chosen to grow with our family and help the boys make memories.  If that means sacrificing a "grown-up" party now and then, then so be it.


2012

2013

Don't get me wrong: we still have the occasional away-time from the kids, especially when we have our own milestones to celebrate.  I still remember the kids' first overnight-er with their grandparents, which went smoother than expected.  Within hours after they left, though, we found ourselves talking about what the kids did or what they said.  It's almost as if we felt "guilty" that we weren't with them.  Even now, years later, some of that guilt creeps in occasionally.  But we try to "justify" and say, "Well, the boys do need practice being around different adults!"  To make it a little easier, we try to schedule our events around theirs.

As my work year officially starts next week, I want to make the best of both worlds. One of my partner teachers a while back had been a principal at a different school the year before.  We were talking about three important things in life: family, work, and religion.  He said that keeping the three in perspective would make a person happy.  He said that principaling required too much of his time at work, and that something had to give, and it couldn't be family. 

We won't be able to go back in time, and say, "I wish we would've spent more time with them."  My husband and I choose to help pave a road of memories, brick by brick, for our boys. When they have a chance look back, we hope they can appreciate the smooth happy ones, and learn from the rocky, bumpy ones.  Making family time a priority helps bury "boys will be boys."

Balancing attention-grabbers

Teaching has become an acting gig.  We are constantly trying to "entertain" our audiences/students and grab their attention.  I choose to sprinkle the reading and writing with art, movement, music activities, and definitely multimedia.

Knowing what's "in" with current mainstream trends can give more buy-in to a lesson.  When giving context to the term "subplot" to 8th graders, I used the show "Phineas and Ferb."  The main plot of the show is the brothers trying to have the best summer adventure, while the subplot could be Mr. Perry trying to defeat Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

At home, we ensure a balance of activities is available.  Bikes, basketball, baseball, coloring, art, anything in the infamous "toy room," and yes, sometimes, tv, computer games, the Wii.  They are free to come and go at their leisure, as long as they're playing the right way and clean up after they're done.  However, the most repeated activity is... pretend play!  Being different characters allows them to use imagination, creativity, and explore feelings/emotions.

The most elaborate schemes take planning, preparation, props, and participation from the parents.  One summer morning, they wanted to play school.  I was the teacher, Daddy was the bus driver, and the boys were "Lucas"(aka "Lookis," see picture) and "Kai."  Jas, the mastermind behind it all, assembled the numerous "tables" and chairs in the entire downstairs area.  After art time, reading time, and of course, recess, the day was over.  They created their own fun; memories made, dots connected.


Almost every morning, they wake up being someone else.  Even when we visit my grandmother, the first thing she'll ask the boys is, "Who are you today?"  Much credit of the balancing act goes to the boys and their choices, but we try to make sure those opportunities are available, opportunities that foster creativity, imagination, and positive play.  Bury "boys will be boys."