Keeping up with the toy industry

Materialism: no escaping it in this country.  In the classroom, it's a good idea to at least know a couple things that are "in" and cool to the kids.  As I get "older" (*gasp*), some of the cool toy brands (Garbage Pail Kids, Cabbage Patches, Strawberry Shortcake) have been sadly replaced by things like Bratz, Kendamas, and the countless leave-little-to-the-imagination toys that compete for our kids' attention.  Why do teachers need to be in the know?  Making connections from a text to something they're familiar with makes learning new concepts a little easier.

At home, mainstream characters have invaded every single room of our two-story house.

After 10 birthday parties under our belts, our boys have accumulated I'm sure over a million toys.  When our guests leave, the boys are high on stimulation overload, so we decided to not open every single gift at once.  One or two toys a day is more than enough to satisfy their toy cravings.  After a week, a pile of toys still sits unopened, and, to them, disregarded.

We truly are grateful for being in this position (aka first-world problems).  We've been to our fair share of events, and we help them understand that gifts should have no strings attached--we don't expect anything in return, nor do we say a couple days later to a friend, "Who got you that?" knowing full well it was us. Let's appreciate that just the thought alone is worth way more than the gift itself.

With all these thoughtful gifts, we designated a "toy room" to keep some kind of order in the chaos that is: Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Transformers, Avengers, Power Rangers, Angry Birds, Yo Gabba, Beyblades, Bakugan, Dagadar, Ultraman, Lego, Lego Ninjago, Hot Wheels, Toy Story toys, Cars toys, music toys, dinosaurs, sports equipment... you name it!  Wow, how can a kid ever get bored?

Well, after dutifully purging...donating...recycling... arranging and rearranging, where do the boys spend their time?  In the dining room making a fort!

Pillows, blankets, chairs entertain them for hours, and I sit here thinking, "The poor toys! If the toys were on 'Toy Story,' they would end up at Sunnyside or in an attic.  Do I donate more? E-bay? Craigslist? Garage sale?" I have no solution, and the more time passes, the more we run out of closet space.

When people ask what to buy them, yes, there are some fads that will pop out of their mouths that second, but reflecting on what makes them truly happy, someone may as well give them a rock and they'll find something to do with it.  Okay, I'm exaggerating, but using imagination helps bury "boys will be boys."

Reversing the "boys will be boys" mentality

As a middle school teacher and a mother of 2 boys (ages 4 and 6), I’ve read countless books and articles about stereotypical gender differences, especially at the start of school age: girls = self-reliant, boys = destructive.  I do not want my sons to be in the “boys will be boys” category, so here are some strategies that my husband and I are implementing (and hopefully will make a lasting impression):

1.    Practicing conversations without the use of negative words (stupid, dumb, idiot…).  Media bombards us all with these simple, yet oppressive words that could lead to name-calling and negative thoughts, stereotypes, prejudices.  These words are banned from their mouths and ears right when they hear it.  We even created a game where if they hear a word they know we don't like, change it into a "better" word.  Example: "shut up and drive" song turns into "step up and drive."  A little cheesy, but positive.

“Please” and “thank you” are enforced.  When requests are made, they are constantly reminded to be polite with the situation in mind.  When they get older and encounter a wider variety of situations that I might not be at, I’ll ask them to “Code Switch,” a term that means appropriately switch the way you address people depending on where/who you’re with.  The tone of voice is also emphasized. Even at sports games, the boys don’t “boo” the other team, but just cheer for their team.

“Ha-ha! I got it first!”  Our reply, “Is that the right way to say that you’re happy about something?”

2.    Role-playing situations where children could get frustrated.  When Jesse was 2, his tantrums were unbearable.  When he wanted something, he would automatically scream and yell and stomp his feet.  Two things worked: CALMLY redirecting him to something else, or CALMLY waiting it out and reminding him of the “right way to act when you get mad: calm down, walk away, use your words.”  Before we go to places where the kids might get different reactions from people, we remind them of 3 rules: no spitting, no naughty words, no hurting people.

3.    Limiting physical “pretend-fighting,” wrestling, sword fighting, gun shooting, etc.  (Organized sports not included: those are encouraged).  Whatever form of “playing” that could end up with someone hurt, we limit.  We feel that the more exposure (physical or visual) of these fighting moves, the more it could become second nature to act aggressively.  While I agree that defending yourself is sometimes necessary, more solutions are found in using the right words.  Many may feel that a physical fight is a rite of passage or what boys need to get aggression out, I caution that this perpetuates the “boys will be boys” mentality. 

When I am explicitly in charge of other people’s children, I definitely take these fighting rules to heart.  I wouldn’t want to send my kid to someone’s house only to pick them up at a hospital.

“I’m gonna shoot the bad guys!”  My reply, “What did they do?  Are you defending yourself?”
 

4.    Giving choices when disagreements arise. “You can choose to have fun today or not,” “we can go later or not at all…”  This gives some of the decision-making to the children.  For non-negotiables, for sure, we enforce, but we try not to sound like the demanding parents that we all know (either our own parents or friends).  We're still using countdowns and time-outs at this age, followed with a conversation.  "What will you do next time?"

5.    Spending time observing them interact with other kids. We like to ask them how they felt during their time. We ask them if there was a better way to say/do something. We reinforce the positive behaviors. We emphasize that we want them to be good people, and doing things the right way helps them in the long run.

Someone asked me if raising kids was hard.  It is, and I end up worrying more about things I can’t control, like the people and things that influence my kids (with their knowledge or not).  But what I can control, for a limited time anyway, is modeling these behaviors.  Bury "boys will be boys."