Speaking up and speaking out

Don't complain if you're not going to do anything about it. Solve your problem. Don't be a bystander.

In the classroom, a lot of learning happens, but also a lot of whining happens.

• I don't have a pencil. 
• He touched my shoe. 
• She made fun of the way I write.  
• He laughed at me.
• This is hard.
• I'm not good at writing.

Well, children, speak up.  To that person.  To yourself.  Figure out how to get past the problem. I respond by going to "growth mindset" (Google, read more here or here) and pointing to my classroom wall.  Students rephrase or ask a question to help themselves.

(Image from Google; variations of this are found in classrooms at our school)

At home, the boys can get under each other's skin.  The two of them mostly get along, but living with, playing with, sharing a room with, breathing with one another 24/7 is not always high-fives and hugs.  Jesse, being the younger, tries to play this card often: "I'm telling!" We hear that, and automatically say, "tell HIM, not us."  Tell him to stop ____; tell him you don't like that; tell him you'd rather play something else. Oh, and use a calm voice while you're at it.

Their out-of-town sleepover without us was our "test" to see if he could handle his brother being a "big bother" instead of "big brother." And the result: he's not there YET lol.

Jason with long hair when he became a "big brother."

We're glad Jason is one to speak up.  When a classmate said, "I can't run. I just can't do it!" and was about to give up, he and his friends cheered her on.  With encouraging words, she did it.

We're also glad Jesse's learning "growth mindset" strategies in his own classroom as well.  He even showed me the youtube video they watched found here.  We constantly talk and use language that helps him connect to different situations.

After Jesse's first round of frustration, Dad helped him aim.

Winning came from not giving up (and from our wallets lol)

There's always someone who plays harder than you, who runs faster, who writes better, who wins more.  If you're giving your best shot, then we're proud of you. If you speak up when something goes wrong, we'll back you up.  If you act with authentic kindness, we'll love that you listened. #buryboyswillbeboys

P.S.  more on growth mindset here

Speaking positive words

Manners are constantly challenged by everyday actions, social media comments, Vines, vulgar music...it's everywhere!  In my classroom, there is no room for put-downs.  "Please" and "thank you" are words taught and used. Tier 2 academic vocabulary outweighs tier 1 everyday common words, slang included.  It is extremely difficult to enforce these ALL the time, but I'd like to think that I try to set up the atmosphere that is safe for the students to speak out without the fear of chastisement.  Middle school is a tough place.  My certain demographic for the last couple of years have shown me that these kids are really sensitive under all that tough exterior.

Our own kids are showing some qualities of spoiled brats, so we need to pause (#grandparentswillbegrandparents).  They recently received 'unbirthday presents,' and first reactions were not mannerous.  We did not like what we saw.

In raising two boys, we've tried to envision how we want them to be as grown men.

Here's our experiment: Invert negatives into positives.

1. Use the word "hate" less.  Jesse: "I hate these headphones!" --> "I like the other headphones better."
2. Nix "annoying."  --> Be specific.  "It's too loud."
3. Change "boring." --> What IS fun?  "I like doing the math page instead of the writing page."
4. Don't get so angry when you lose a game.  --> "Maybe I'll use Eye Brawl next time."  (Jesse was about to throw something at his brother for beating him at Skylanders.  I had him take a breath, and he came up with that on his own!  Yay.)
5. Get "anger" out of the control room.  'Inside Out' was SUCH A GREAT MOVIE!  We are constantly revisiting our emotions, and now that the boys have a visual, they can communicate their feelings so much better.  

They even created another emotion, Awesomeness:

This parenting advice article made me nod my head to myself.  #6: "Don't catch every fall" is a philosophy that we've used since the boys were babies.  But they do need guidance.  The boys are lucky (or unlucky mwaha) that summer is learning time.  Learning to be positive.  Learning to be nice.  Learning to be gentlemen.  Bury "boys will be boys."